Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Leprosy Was Lurking in The Americas Long Before Colonization, Study Finds - ScienceAlert

The sadness was still there.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Everyone says the pet population is out of control. Everyone says you MUST spay or neuter your pets. No one wants to talk about how its almost $1,000 to spay or neuter a pet. Why is it so expensive if its so necessary? Animal shelters do it for free.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

I was tired of fighting.

What is a sermon to talk about men?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

I had run out of hope.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What are some disadvantages of living in rural areas? What are the advantages?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Why should the US public listen to Lauren Boebert, the queen of hypocrisy tell us, "We need morals back in our nation" when her real-time video is the heartbeat of immoral? Why does her audio not match her video?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Dollar Tree raises red flag about unexpected customer behavior - TheStreet

You are like me, then.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Alaska’s former chief medical officer resigns from CDC post as federal agency faces turmoil - Anchorage Daily News

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

And the sadness?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Subway owner buys mega-popular chicken chain in $1 billion deal - AL.com

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Be who you already are.

Scientists identify two global ocean bands heating at record rates - Earth.com

It’s still here.

I was tired of trying and failing.